Parenting

*** Special Announcement ***

Dr. W. Jesse Gill’s article “Fathering and Attachment Theory” is published in Christian Counseling Today magazine Vol. 27 No. 2

“Securely attached children possess a settled confidence that they rely upon to bolster them through the challenges of life.”

-Dr. Jesse Gill

We firmly believe that all your family relationships can be strengthened as you apply the power of Attachment. The earliest research on Attachment was conducted with children, so there is a wealth of knowledge available as you apply these principles to parenting.

Securely attached children possess a settled confidence that they rely upon to bolster them through the challenges of life. They have internalized two key experiences, which they return to time and again.

Two Key Experiences

Safe Haven

I have a parent who is there for me when I am in distress. So I know that I am never alone and I can be comforted in life's hard places.
Secure Base

I can branch out from the safety of my parent bond to explore the physical world and the emotional world. I am confident that I can always return to my parent to share my discoveries with him or her.

“Face to Face T.V.”

There are three ingredients which are necessary to build security in your children. You should be intentional about using these three ingredients every day in your interactions with your children.

Face to Face
Touch
Vulnerable Sharing of Emotions

We have nicknamed them the “Face to Face T. V.” channel, and we want this to be the number one channel you tune into each day.

Face to Face

Make eye contact with your children when they speak to you and when you speak to them. Allow yourself to gaze with kindness, interest, and delight. This conveys worth and value; it also allows you to glean valuable nonverbal information.
Touch

Be intentional about using touch whenever you can with your children. Back rubs, shoulder pats, hugs, and gentle squeezes are usually welcomed by younger children. Some kids like to wrestle, and young children just want to be held. This soothes their nervous systems and communicates a sense of belonging.
Vulnerable Sharing of Emotions

This is all about tracking with your child's emotional state. Take a deep breath and try to get on their wavelength, matching their joyful expressions, soothing their sad places, and quieting their anxieties. Bring understanding to angry moments, and try to hear the root cause as you de-escalate them or set limits.