Life Long Love: Meet the Scalises

Eric and Donna on their wedding day.

Meet Eric and Donna Scalise, our featured couple this month. They are committed to each other, and I’ll bet you can learn something from their decade’s long relationship. Read on to find out!

We love the depth, abiding friendship, and creative playfulness in Eric & Donna’s dynamic. Their willingness to grow continually in faith and friendship, and to be intentional to let go of grievances are ways to keep a marriage thriving.

Although they did not have major disappointments with one another in the early years of marriage, they immediately began to face loss in the form of multiple miscarriages. In later years Donna shared that her health and loss of mobility have become significant factors. Through it all they laugh, communicate, and hold onto their faith. They are the closest of friends.

Secure Attachment is about playing and taking delight in one another. But it rests most solidly on the ways that a couple shelters one another in the storms of life, holding onto one another and also to God. The storms then give you a chance to trust one another more, and each moment of loss gives you a chance to rely more deeply on God.

We appreciate how Eric and Donna have done both of these. Thank you for sharing your journey with us!

How many years have you been married and how old were you when you got married?

43 years . . . Eric was 24 and Donna was 23.

Where & how did the two of you meet?

We met while attending the same church in Williamsburg, VA.

What first attracted you to one another?

For Eric - it was Donna's strong faith, infectious laugh, the beautiful voice she had when she sang special music during a church service, and her beauty inside and out.

For Donna - it was Eric's sense of humor, his excitement over his newfound faith, his playfulness, and just being an authentic person who wasn't trying to be "super spiritual."

We all have ideas about how marriage is supposed to be when we say our wedding vows.  What was one of the first challenges you encountered that challenged your ideas of what marriage was supposed to be?

To be honest, neither of us really experienced anything that we felt really "challenged" our view/ideas of what marriage was supposed to be. We both entered into it with our eyes open. That doesn't mean we never had challenges . . . very early after getting married, we walked through the first of four miscarriages and had to adjust our initial hopes and plans of starting a family.

What has helped you stay together?  What's your secret?

Without a doubt, it's our individual and mutual relationship with Christ . . . along with intentionally keeping love fresh, remaining "best friends," practicing and letting go of hurts and disappointments quickly, keeping romance in the relationship, trying to consistently show kindness and respect, making decisions together and creating win-win scenarios, laughing . . . 

Do you pray together?  Or have other faith activities?

We do pray together, but more than anything, we listen to sermons/other messages together, and frequently discuss passages of Scripture and spiritual things, news events, what God is doing in the culture, etc.

Do you date?  How do you play together?  How has that changed during your years together?

Now that we are "empty nesters," we go out to share a meal together a couple of times every week as a "date" night. Playfulness is more in our conversation these days . . . as some of our activity is impacted by long-term health related issues that Donna has had to contend with.

What do you call your in-laws?

Both sets of parents are deceased. When they were alive, Eric used his in-law's first names some, as did Donna.

How do you KNOW your spouse loves you?  How do you let your spouse know you love them?

For Eric - it's when Donna expresses it intentionally and verbally, in showing respect, in doing the small and thoughtful things, and knowing I am constantly in her prayers.

For Donna - it's the same, but also all the ways Eric serves and manages most of the household duties and my daily needs because of my health and lack of mobility . . . he's very protective. For both of us, we try not to take each other for granted, and make sure we "connect" in some way every morning before getting into the day . . . it's called coffee.

Share a nugget of wisdom you wish you could give to your younger selves.

Eric - be prepared for and expect life's ups and downs, never lose hope or doubt God's love, grace, and presence to get through even the most difficult times. There's nothing "magical" about saying, "I do," and while marriages may be blessed in heaven, they are forged in real living, one day at a time with intentionality and commitment to the relationship.

Donna - ask the Lord to help you die daily and learn to be content in all things.

What do you do on a regular basis for your marriage?

Some activities are limited, but we make sure we spend time together every day, whether it's in conversation, going out to eat, watching a movie or show together, connecting with our sons and their families, etc. We remain each other's best friends and favorite "company." 

Eric and Donna on their honeymoon.