A Place to Belong: The Rescue of Mephibosheth*
One of our favorite stories in the Bible recounts the harrowing and heartbreaking experiences of Mephibosheth in the book of Second Samuel. The movements of pain, shame, and fear are followed by an incredible act of redemption which brings us hope in this fallen world. As with most Scripture the deeper meanings of the narrative are more profound than the given story, which is powerful in its own rite.
Mephibosheth came from the lineage of his grandfather Saul, the first King of Israel. We first meet Mephibosheth during the chaotic transfer of power that occurred when his grandfather Saul and his father Jonathan were both killed by a rival kingdom at the Battle of Mount Gilboa.
Mephibosheth was only 5 years old. His nurse, fearing for Mephibosheth’s life, scrambled to rescue him from the palace where his life was in peril. Although she rescued his life, he sustained a terrible fall amidst her haste. This fall crippled him, and he was unable to walk for the rest of his life.
He went to live in secrecy and obscurity in the town of Lo-debar for the next two decades.
Devastating. In one fateful day the entire path for his life completely changed!
Mephibosheth fell from riches and royalty into crippling pain, shame, and a land of exile. His society was cruel and blaming towards people with disabilities, so he simultaneously received in his body the marks of scorn and shame.
Yet it appears that this crippling fall was not the first injury to Mephibosheth’s soul. Mephibosheth’s name is translated in the Hebrew “from the mouth of shame”(1). We don’t know the whole story, but we might infer a couple things from the narrative. There seems to be some tension between his parents contributing to his name “of shame”. We wonder if he was a planned pregnancy and whether he was fully embraced by his parents. We also see that he was not in his mother’s care at the crucial time of the power transfer of Saul’s kingdom. His nurse was looking over him instead.
Something is wrong with this story!
During times of national tragedy, most of us run home to our spouses, gather our children, and hold them close. It’s hardwired into us to cling to the ones we hold dear when the hardest times come. Instead, we see young Mephibosheth experiencing abandonment, whether it was intentional or not. This is frightening, painful, and shameful for young children.
Attachment Theory (2) describes the bonding process between children and their parents. Children depend on the touch, focused attention, and tenderness of their parents in order to survive. Beyond survival itself, the bonding that forms through face-to-face gazing with parents and tender touch also helps to regulate the nervous systems of young children, who are completely unable to regulate themselves. If the bonding process is consistent and predictable, a young child internalizes two crucial maps inside their hearts and minds.
“I have a parent whom I can depend upon and run to when I am in need. I am safe, held, and known. I am not alone. I belong.”
“I know that my home is in the heart and arms of my parent. So, I can branch out confidently and explore the world, knowing that I always have a place where I can come back home. I belong.”
This place of safety and belonging makes everything better. We call this Secure Attachment (2) , and these children have an embodied sense of worth and settled confidence that carries with them throughout the lifespan. It helps them to live with expectancy and resilience, like royalty on the planet.
Sadly, I don’t think Mephibosheth had the ingredients for this in his young life, despite his royal lineage. Following an insecure start, his crippling injury added more shame and fear.
Effects of Shame
Shame is a self-conscious emotion that informs our sense of self and our perception of others’ reactions to us. It is one of the negative emotions, affecting our social relationships, our self-esteem, and how productive we are in life.
Shame activates the basal ganglia of the brain, just above the limbic system which is the seat of emotion in the brain. It lives there as a precursor to emotion(3). Because shame colors our sense of self, chronic feelings of shame are problematic and may eventually transform our personality.
Shame is designed to serve as an adaptive signal system when we transgress against our self, others, and even God. On a temporary basis it is helpful because it causes us to take stock when we violate our conscience or the moral code of our tribe. Chronic shame may become a mental disease that could harm our entire life if left untreated.
Mephibosheth was the embodied symbol of shame. Shame is painful to the soul. He felt totally forgotten with no expectation of anything good happening in his life again. He ran from King David on that fateful day. He and his family believed that King David actually wanted to kill him. He and his family retreated to the destitute land of Lo Debar, where he lived in hiding for two decades.
The story of Mephibosheth teaches an important lesson regarding the emotion of shame. We see that it has three key symptoms: hiding, low esteem, and distrust.
Hiding:
Mephibosheth lived in Lobebar, which has multiple suggested meanings, such as without order; disorderly; no leader; not governed; rebellious; no shepherd; without pasture (4).
Having our home in Lo-debar means that we have no attachment, no connections, and no life. We are disconnected from reality and living in a hole of self-pity where there is no sign of hope. It is a fruitless, powerless, and dry land.
Low Self-esteem:
After 20 years in Lo-debar, Mephibosheth was summoned by David. This was his response:
“Mephibosheth bowed down and said, “What is your servant, that you should notice a dead dog like me?” 2 Samuel 9:8 NIV
He saw himself as a dead dog. His self-esteem was very low, practically absent. What could have caused so much shame in himself? We could point to the trauma of being crippled as a boy, losing the kingdom, or losing his father and grandfather. Perhaps it was the pain of being on the run, being attended by a nanny instead of his mother in times of war, and now living in Lo Debaras an adult. This seems unbearable. Undoubtedly, shame had eaten all of his dignity and self-respect.
Distrust:
Even after David told Mephibosheth that he wanted to restore his lands and to have him eat daily at the King’s table, Mephibosheth still questioned the King’s intentions. Why me?
Shame makes us distrust everything to protect the self from getting more shame. It makes us feel suspicious about everything in life that we come close to. Living in a permanent state of distrust makes it impossible to cooperate with others, and it is very difficult to change. Many people hide their shame with a prideful exterior, but this is just a bandage. The pain remains in the depth of the soul, while the the outer shell of pride signals a bad prognosis.
Healing for Shame
From Mephibosheth’s life we see that shame can come to us through rejection, injury, loss, and the ways that we perpetuate the state by hiding for our own protection. Shame is healed through the love and acceptance of others, if we can but take the terrifying step to embrace those gifts.
When the King calls us to join him and be restored to our place of belonging, we must answer the call. At the King’s table we find our forever home. This is the only solution to combat shame, restoring our confidence and hope for life. After David invited Mephibosheth to come and live with him and his family, his life changed, his shame was soothed, and everything that belonged to him was restored.
Heeding the King’s call and accepting his invitation to join is the first step to a shame-free life.
Living free in the house of God allows our mind, personality, and emotions to reflect the image and likeness of our Creator. Our will and awareness of our self-conscious emotions have a better place in the hands of Jesus. He will undoubtedly restore honor and provide spiritual riches for those who abide in Him.
A Place to Belong
Mephibosheth went from “out of the mouth of shame” to being restored to a place of honor. He came to find that the one he feared actually wanted to bring him to a place of wholeness. But Mephibosheth had to receive the gift. When he did, the King brought him to the table of abundance. No more hunger, no more thirst, and no more loneliness, and no more shame. He was royalty once again.
Many people today live in Lo Debar, the land of hiding, no communication, and isolation.
They don’t realize that the King is searching for them, wanting to bring them back to a place of belonging and family. Don’t run from the King who is seeking to bless you, seeking to connect with you.
“He sets the lonely in families.” — Psalm 68:6 (NIV)
References:
Eerdmans, David Noel Freedman, ed.-in-chief; Allen C. Myers, associate ed.; Astrid B. Beck, managing (2000). Eerdmans Dictionary of the Bible. Grand Rapids, MI, (Etc) pp 884–885.
2. Bowlby, J. (1969) Attachment and Loss (Vol I). London, Hogarth.
3. Fishkin, G.R. The Science of Shame and Its Treatment. Chicago, Parkhurst Brothers Publishing.
4. M.G. Easton (1897) M.A., D.D., Illustrated Bible Dictionary, Third Edition,
published by Thomas Nelson.