Life Long Love: Meet the Martins
July 8, 1967 Mr. & Mrs. David Martin
We love the details here that give us a deeper look into the daily experiences of Dave and Trudy. We respect their faith. Be sure to read the section on growing old together “in sickness and in health”. — Jesse and April
How many years have you been married and how old were you when you got married?
Dave and I got married July 8, 1967 after dating for 3 years. I was 23 and Dave was 22.
Where & how did the two of you meet?
We met when I was a sophomore at Buffalo State. Dave had taken a year off from college and was working. Dave was a blind date for a sorority dinner dance. Dave had already planned to transfer to Buffalo State before we had met, so we saw each other every day on campus. Things got serious then. So we really started out as friends who did things together and it slowly grew.
What first attracted you to one another?
Dave says he was attracted to me because I was outgoing. I thought he was very nice and a gentleman and was happy to have him call me for another date. Dave was very easy going and the kind of guy everyone liked.
We all have ideas about how marriage is supposed to be when we say our wedding vows. What was one of the first challenges you encountered that challenged your ideas of what marriage was supposed to be?
Most of our friends were married a year or two before us so we got insights from them. Our first surprise after the honeymoon was whose duty was it to take the garbage out. We never talked about that. In my family it was the "boy's" job. In his family, it was a "woman's" job. We lived in a second floor apartment and neither one of us wanted that job. "Dave the Kind" volunteered.
While talking about doing this interview, Dave, for the first time ever, mentioned it was an adjustment sleeping with another person in a double size bed.
What has helped you stay together? What's your secret?
One of the secrets of staying together is talking about everything and coming to joint decisions. We broke down and divided all responsibilities (especially garbage). Dave paints, I wallpaper. Dave mows, I do flowerbeds. Dave was main money maker; I handled the finances and bill paying, etc. Those roles changed over the years especially after retirement. We had a "Conference Room" when the kids were at home. Whenever we had a situation arise we would go the Conference Room and close the door. We would hash the situation out and come to a joint decision and then go out and deal with the situation united. The kids knew we were a team.
Our biggest strength was our united faith. This gave us the same passion in our ministry, same goals, and the strength to handle all that life throws at you because Jesus is with us. We weren't raising "our" children but we were raising "His" children. That is a very sobering and yet honoring responsibility. We stood before the God of the Universe, the one who created all things, the one who holds the world together, the one who calls us His beloved child and we promised to stay together until death parts us and we are keeping that promise.
Just thought of something I never thought about in our marriage vows regarding "in sickness and in health". I always imagined growing old together and someday having side-by-side graves but until I've experienced my parents growing old and deaths of siblings and our own bodies slowly diminish in ability I never pictured that "in sickness and in health" might mean spoon feeding your spouse and be sure they didn't choke or changing their "Depends". Sometimes Dave dozes off watching TV with his head back and his mouth open and I check to see if he is breathing. Sometimes he touches me during the night to see if I'm still breathing. Will the day come when one of us doesn't recognize the other? I know that if those times come, God will give us the grace to continue in love.
Do you pray together? Or have other faith activities?
Yes, we pray daily together. We have shared the same ministry of teaching in Christian education for 25 years. (Dave was a teacher and principal and I taught K-2 + art K-12) and we still teach Sunday school together and do other smaller ministries in the church together.
Do you date? How do you play together? How has that changed during your years together?
We didn't "date" much when our kids were small because of finances. We love being empty nesters (it took 13 years). We can come and go as we want. We travel more, more dinners out, etc.
We're good workers but not into board games, tennis, ping pong or those types of things. When we were younger, we were too busy. Now, we’re too slow and the body doesn't cooperate well anymore. If one of us drops something we both look at it and hope the other one picks it up. "Dave the Kind" usually picks it up.
What do you call your in-laws?
"Mom and Dad".
How do you KNOW your spouse loves you? How do you let your spouse know you love them?
He stands for hours holding an umbrella over me so that I didn’t get sunburned while painting a mural, He checks to see if I'm still breathing at night. He's willing to do all kinds of unusual things for me: go to the dump with me to gather things, dispose of all the weeds I pick, go into the fabric store with me, massage my feet and head every night, help me with whatever I'm doing, snuggle with me, forgives me so easily, tells me how much I mean to him, very protective over me, never leaves his clothes on the floor, cleans the bathroom and vacuums without complaints, and the list goes on.
Trudy has always willingly taken care of my daily needs and managed our household well. I can count on her. She has my best interest in mind. She encourages me in so many ways.
Share a nugget of wisdom you wish you could give to your younger selves.
Trudy: Don't work so hard. Be more of a Mary, than a Martha. Spend more time relaxing, and spend more fun time with my children and husband.
Dave: Put my family before anything else.
What do you do on a regular basis for your marriage?
We regularly plan things together, talk about everything (even things we would never say to another person), do things for each other, and follow Jesus together.