Life Long Love: Meet the Hostlers
We loved this interview with Bud and Heather. The way they play together and also have an intentional motto for communication is very impressive. It’s also great to get a glimpse at ways they work together, from household to missions teamwork. Grace for weaknesses, reminding themselves of their marriage covenant, and surrounding themselves with good friends…. These are things we can all grow to do in our own marriages!
How many years have you been married and how old were you when you got married?
“Married 23 years! Bud was 27 on our wedding day; Heather was 21.”
Where & how did the two of you meet?
“We met via a state-wide youth group when Heather was 15 & Bud was 21. He was a leader and the pastor was thrilled for us yet he was held to a high standard of integrity that he totally surpassed! Jesus clearly brought us together, never living or attending school in the same town for more than a week and that was thrice when we were camp counselors over the summer.”
We all have ideas about how marriage is supposed to be when we say our wedding vows. What was one of the first challenges you encountered that challenged your ideas of what marriage was supposed to be?
“We had a pretty accurate perspective of marriage that was relatively flexible. We are glad that Heather cleans less now and respects Bud’s mini “messes” more.”
What has helped you stay together? What's your secret?
“Prayer, lots of laughter and not taking ourselves too seriously, forgiveness, allowance to fail or make mistakes without judgement, work-life balance, flexible mindset, certainty that what God puts together Satan cannot separate!”
Do you pray together? Or have other faith activities?
“We do not pray together regularly, much to Heather’s deep sadness. We worship together with the church body, attend theology or Bible classes over the years, and have been in many small groups in the midst of 4 different churches. We’ve been on a mission trip as a family and serve together in various small ways that are practical with children through older adults.”
Do you date? How do you play together? How has that changed during your years together?
“We are not regimented about dating yet make time together a priority in a spontaneous and everyday manner. We like to do on day trips or overnights together, eat “out” together, or go to the movies or theatre productions. We never feel disregarded and are best friends. We like doing house projects….Heather gives the vision and Bud executes flawlessly! We had some TV shows we liked including 24 and recently This Is Us. We cook together and also plan and manage logistics well for our family. We are a team! We both like sports and are competitive with board, card, or strategy games too. Ask us about Bananagamrams and Trivial Pursuits and Hugged Mugger! We have recently enjoyed playing Pickleball together and with other families or couples. We have a little more disposable time and income now than when we first married, as Heather was in grad school, and we birthed 5 children in 9 years.”
What do you call your in-laws?
“By their first names! LOL Our kids call Heather’s parents Mimi and Supa while they called Bud’s mom Grammy although she’s now passed. Bud’s dad is Pappy Hostler and he remarried less than a year ago to a delightful woman whom our kids simply call '“Katie”.”
How do you KNOW your spouse loves you? How do you let your spouse know you love them?
“A million little things… text messages throughout the day, filling Heather’s gas tank when she didn’t ask, taking care of the kids, making healthy choices for a lifestyle, speaking words of encouragement to each other, using our strengths to cover the other person’s relative weaknesses. We prioritize pursuing each other and refuse to stay angry or offended.”
Share a nugget of wisdom you wish you could give to your younger selves.
“Your spouse is not your enemy. Investing in your sexual relationship is time well spent. Avoiding stressing about small life details as the Lord WILL provide! Jesus is so pleased in creating you and watching your life adventure together unwind for His glory!”
What do you do on a regular basis for your marriage?
“We choose to be brutally honest with each other no matter what regardless of the issue. We really try to take care of things between us sooner rather than later. We remind ourselves every day of who we are and whose we are as well as the commitment and covenant we made before God. That helps to make everyone else not nearly as appealing as our spouse who is captivating to us. We also have chosen to surround ourselves with incredibly mature and God-fearing friends in our inner circle. They speak deep love and truth to us and encourage us no matter what.”
